MercyTheKitty Rants

{Wed, May 1947, '10}   How to Cheat in School

Yeah, this is one of those posts I’d be better off not posting, but… Well… What can i say? I feel like sharing my expertise to other students out there who need it more than me. These aren’t your classic write-on-your-arms-and-wear-a-big-sweatshirt cheat codes, either.

By the way, I don’t use these. I’m a straight-A student. I don’t need to cheat, and I pride myself on not doing so.

  1. If you’re writing a paper that has to be a certain length, fudge the margins a bit. It’s pretty simple, but make sure it’s not too noticeable, or else your teacher will wonder why your paper has larger margins than everyone else’s. If you get caught, say you didn’t know, and that that must be your computer’s default setting.
  2. You can also change the size of your periods. If you make all the periods one or two sizes larger than the rest of your text, you fill up a lot of space. (Once, I made all the periods two sizes larger and wound up doubling my paper.) Best of all, if you print your paper, it’s almost impossible to tell that the periods are larger than they’re supposed to be.
  3. Write some answers on the inside of your desk. Erase them after the test. Easy.
  4. This one is called “the cheat bottle.” You peel away the paper around a water bottle and write answers on the flip side. If you restick the paper on the bottle and look through the water, the answers are magnified so you can see them.
  5. Don’t cheat off the person next to you. Go for the people in front of you, to either side (diagonal). Their bodies don’t cover their papers very well from that angle, and their answers are in plain sight. You can easily pretend to be thinking of an answer, staring off to the side.
  6. If you want to listen to music during class, get an iPod armband and wear it under your long-sleeved shirt.  Run the earbuds down your arm and hold one in the palm of your hand. If you lean your elbow on your desk and rest your head in your hand, you can look bored and listen to music at the same time. Just make sure no one else can hear your music.
  7. Write some answers on a bit of paper and fold it up. You can put it into the battery compartment of your calculator and take it out during the test.
  8. You can also hide a rolled-up answer sheet in the barrel of your pen or mechanical pencil.
  9. If you really wanted, you would fold up the paper really small and hide it under the eraser of a wooden pencil (pull off the metal thing, then slide it back on). You could also place the paper between an arrowhead eraser and the pencil’s normal eraser.
  10. Sew answers into the hem of your clothing or the brim of your cap.
  11. In eleentary school, teachers made us prop up folders so the people beside us couldn’t see our answers, but we weren’t allowed to use the folders of the same subject as the test. For some reason, they never realized that people wrote answers on their folders or swapped papers out of one folder and into another.
  12. If you have a graphing calculator, you can program answers into it.

{Tue, May 446, '10}   Poetry

Hey there, MTKitty fans (or random passerbyers on the internet. That’s cool.)! This is one of those I-need-to-do-my-homework-but-don’t-wanna-so-I’m-blogging-things. I need to write a paper on the training of astronauts, then do my regular homework. It’s getting late. I went to the library after school, then took a really long nap. Now that I think about it, I should have gotten astronaut books from the library.

So, recently, I entered a poetry competition, but here’s the catch: It was a competition for FOREIGN LANGUAGE poetry. It was really cool, too. Apparently, there are people out there that speak Modern AND Ancient Greek well enough to recite poetry. There was also an ASL chapter, which I thought was interesting.

I had to memorize two poems in Spanish to get in. The first was for the schoolwide competition (which I won), and the second was for the actual, official competition. The first was an anonymous love poem, and the second was “Apegado A Mí by Gabriela Mistral.” I’ll upload them if I get the chance.

The competition was this really long, boring event that somehow took five hours, even though everyone recited at the same time in hour-long groups. My group had the maximum of fifteen kids. It was scary how good some of them were, but others went overboard.

The funny thing is, no one knew how the competition would turn out. Seven students came from my school (including myself), and we were all told different things by our teachers. Mine told me the judges didn’t want weird gestures or theatrical stuff– just plain old recitals. Some others were told minor movements were okay, and others were told to shout and be wild. Same for other schools. The degrees of acting varied a lot.

In the end, I was bored senseless and didn’t win anything.

The weird thing, though, is that out of the seven students from my school, four were for Italian, and three were for Spanish (including me). All four Italians won either first, second, or third, but none of the Spanish kids won anything. Coincidence? I think the system is rigged! Maybe our school should start offering more interesting languages, so we can win by default. Only one kid signed up for Polish, and, naturally, won.

I started memorizing my first poem in December. The competition was in late April. I had to give up one lunch a week (not the food, just the period) to go rehearse with my Spanish teacher. I was so sick of reciting by then, and maybe that’s why I didn’t win.

Here’s the one way this competition may have benefited me in any way: I can now seduce someone with a Spanish love poem!

Whoot! Ciao!

Poem 1
Poem 1
Poem 2

Poem 2

Sorry about the pictures. I just took shots of the poems with my webcam.

et cetera